she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
