I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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