Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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