Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
