Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
