addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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