When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
