and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
