Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
