She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
