Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
