I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
