This is not my ceiling
the condom got lost in my hair
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
