peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
