Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
