I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
