I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize