Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
