Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
