she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
