Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
