just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
