im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
