I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
