actually, I'm a sock model
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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