Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
