So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
