look no pants
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
