I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
