When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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