At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
