I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
