I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
