my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it was like having sex with a tree stump
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
