How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Terrible idea I love it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
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