all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
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they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
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turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Can you bring me the toilet please
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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