It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
