He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
