you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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