he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
