If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
