A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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