I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
