I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
