I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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