I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize