when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
