My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
someone owes me an orgasm
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
