he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
