M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
