I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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