True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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