hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
