ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
