There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
