She's JV to your varsity
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
