Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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