Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
