i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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