I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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