it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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