this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
