When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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