Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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