i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
