I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
