I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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