You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
