i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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