so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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