You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
