If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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