I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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