Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
