I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
NoShamevember. You game?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
